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Post by Broken-Life on Sat Aug 14, 2010 7:39 pm

Hey girls......My weekend away from the world ended up going down hill and had to come home Sad we got flooded out and so yeah. Ruined my time of getting away from the world....which stinks.....I have been triggered for the past two days now. I came home yesterday and I just felt like i'm hiding from everyone. I kept to myself yesterday so that I wouldnt have to say anything about my feeliings and stuff. I just want to cut. I stayed with a friend last night, me and her dad are close friends, he was there for me when i first started cutting, and now he just doesnt want me to talk about it to him, so i stopped that, but anyways, i was sitting in his living room with im and his daughter,he let me sit on his lap, and i told him he reminded me of my paw-paw when he did that, because my paw-paw use to always let me sit on his lap and he would hold me, when he was here. I just want to cut. I've lost the one person who means a lot to me years ago, but sitll, i want him back in my arms. I want to hug him again so freaking bad!!!! I have tried and tried today to be in a good mood, but its not working. Its not. Nothing I do can make me happy anymore. I want to cut I want to tear every piece of me up into pieces and say the hell with my life :'(!!!!!!!!!!!

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Post by GodsBabyGirl on Mon Aug 16, 2010 7:05 pm

When you want to hide from people that's when you need to get out the most. Hiding isn't going to do you any good, I can guarentee that. Also, I know how hard it is to lose someone close to you, but you need to stop letting it eat you alive.. I don't mean that in a mean way at all, but it's what you need to do. Your paw-paw is with you in spirit every second of every day and I don't think he would want you to be sad for him all the time. I love you, darling, and I'm always praying for you.
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Post by Broken-Life on Mon Aug 16, 2010 8:28 pm

i cant get out though. The only time i get out is if its time for church or fire department. School starts in about a week and i'm scared to even go back. i'll be a senior this year and its going to be a lot to get through. Back to walking down the hallways being made fun of and wanting to run more Sad i dread it.....i cant let go of my paw-paw though, he is the only one who let me be myslef when he was here. Its nnot the same though, i need to be in his arms hugging him and hearing his sweet voice. Its just hard. I'm so triggered. I cant drown the world out this time and it sucks!!!
i just want to run to a safe place. :'(

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Post by GodsBabyGirl on Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:15 pm

Let God be your safe place. Rest in His arms and know that everything is in His hands.
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Post by Broken-Life on Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:56 pm

im trying hun i just need i dont know
i want to be okayy. .........

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