not sure if this belongs here but (possible trigger)

ok so as u all know i recieved the holy ghost and for some reason i thought awesome i recieved the holy ghost now life is gonna be easier and i could do what i wanted cause i had the holy ghost wellll reality hit a few weeks ago and i realized just because u recieve the holy ghost doesnt mean ur life is gonna be easier or you can do what you want it just means u have alot more help....god has been testing me lately eitherthat or satan is comming up against me really hard but friday night i was sitting here surfing the web and i was in a bad mood had a bad day my mom had gotten on to me and i felt like she doesnt want me to succeed everytimne i mention school she gets an attitude with me but if i would for example talk about drinking alcohol or doing drugs she would be all for it and it just makes me feel like she wants me to be a failure like her....(harsh but true) and i ran to the batheroom and grabbed my blade and i was just ready to give in and i heard a still small voice say "give it to me dont run to that when im right here waiting for you with my arms wide open" and i tryed to hush the voice like whatever but i couldnt but when i had the blade in my hand it was like i had my Best friend (who had been gone for a LONG time) back and it felt good i didnt do anything cause that voice just kept repeating "give it to me dont run to that when im right here waiting for you with my arms wide open" it was sooo amazeing i had the blade till sunday when i threw it away just because i didnt want that temptation anymore i was triggered until last night and some of today but now im not triggered god has really been speaking to me alot lately its crazy girls god is truely amazeing

i know i havent always been perfect and im still not but striveing to be i was into drugs and alcohol and sex and self injury and everything and god kept me through all of that he never let anything really bad happen to me satan is out to steal kill and destroy us but god can make us new creatures and renew our mind spirit and body hes just amazeing thats all i can say is he is amazeing

when i really got serious about god i had to stop hangin out with ALL of my friends and i had no friends but now god is showing me my friends dont have to be my age i have no friends that are my age like my yougest friend is 40 years old but she is my best friend and i can talk to her about anything but all my friends are older then me but thats ok cause i can go to them anytime and i can call them just to "talk" lol they know what its like to be where i am but ive never been where they are god is opening up alot of doors for me he has made it possible for me to go to school and get a better education for me and my son and i just cant believe how god kept me all these years and now i see why....so for all you girls who are struggleing just know there is hope in christ love you all and praying for u all
Felicia

P.S. sorry if iu rambled just had to get my thoughts out lol