im so worthless **MAY BE TRIIGERING**

Hey girls i havent had alot of time to get on the forums since i had the baby he is 4 months old now so im starting to get him on a schedule lol so i have been really depressed lately and triggered its like nobody understands i have cut alot lately i try to talk to my mentor about it and she says we arent getting anywhere by talking about it and it makes me feel like i cant talk to her about it anymore i feel so worthless nd unloved and stupid nobody understands me anymore i hate feeling like this i wish i could just give up im starting to question god and everything nd i dont understand life anymore i just dont understand my feeling or anything im so angry and everything......

Sorry you are having a rough time Felicia. Having a new baby around is always tough because you aren't getting an adequate amount of sleep and you have a new little one who depends on you for everything. I'm wondering if what you are feeling is post partum depression? It's tough on moms after they have the baby and everyone is focused on the baby and not as much on them. The question everyone asks is "How is the baby doing?" instead of "How are you doing?" Though I've never experienced this first hand, I've tried to be careful with this when my friends have baby's. Because you matter too and need the love and support as a new mom. Know you are loved.

Just remember that God is bigger than anything you are feeling today!!!

“I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us..”(Romans 8:38-39 MSG)

Your son loves you, we love you, God loves you. You are very much loved. When you feel like giving up remember why you've held on for so long in the first place. It's hard having a newborn. I've never been pregnant, but I've cared for a newborn on my own for an extended period of time. It's difficult, but anyone can do anything through Christ. Take care of your son's needs, but don't forget to take care of yourself as well.

well steph it doesnt really bother me when people ask how the baby is cuz i talk about him non stop hes my pride nd joy its almost like my thoughts are raceing nd i cant express how im feeling ive really cut alot lately its crazy there is a lady at my church nd she keeps asking me if im ok nd telling me that i can talk to her about anything and i really want to talk to her about the self injury but i cant talk myself into actually taking that step nd talking to her about it i dont want her to think im crazy for doing it or that itsa suicide attempt cause its not...i want to stop cutting for myself and for my son but i dont know how to stop....i feel so far away from god right now it stinks im just tied of all these emotions i feel like everything is out of control nd cuttings the only thing i can control....

Girl, I know exactly how you feel about being distant from God. It's a horrible feeling, but it has an end to it. I really shouldn't be talking, but I believe God has a bigger plan for you. All you have to do is trust and believe.

thanks i sooo miss feeling gods presence its like i pray and pray and dont feel anything i dont get it i just wish i could get past all this im ready to be free from cutting i want to give it all to him but i cant......ive been reading scars that wound:scars that heal by jan kern its an amazeing book but its also kinda triggering to me so wen i start to get triggered i HAVE to put it down.....i cantset my self up to cut its like i feel so much shame when i cut i hate it......

thanks i sooo miss feeling gods presence its like i pray and pray and dont feel anything i dont get it i just wish i could get past all this im ready to be free from cutting i want to give it all to him but i cant......ive been reading scars that wound:scars that heal by jan kern its an amazeing book but its also kinda triggering to me so wen i start to get triggered i HAVE to put it down.....i cantset my self up to cut its like i feel so much shame when i cut i hate it......

I know, I really understand. I can pray for hours and not feel His presence, but He is there, I promise. Don't give up!! Keep leaning on God and His promises. When you feel triggered, play with your son, read your Bible, or something to keep yourself distracted.

thanks hun i just dont dont understand anything anymore life seems so out of control its like i just keep digging my hole deeper nd deeper and i cant get out ya know? sometimes i feel like god cant love me cause ive sinned too much ive done drugs ive had sex before i was married had a baby without being married i self injure i just feel like a horrible person and mother......

so i talked to a lady at church tonight that i really felt like i could talk to and i felt like i needed to talk to her for a couple of weeks and well im really glad i did she asked me if i would talk to her husband about it and i was kinda like idk nd she said he was wanting to go to school to be a christian councelor nd i was like ok ill try sooo we went to mcdonalds and we talked and i dont really feel better but im glad we talked cause they are going to hold me accountable right now my goal w them is not to cut for four days.....cuz ive been cutting EVERYDAY!!!

You are going through such a learning process. The more windows that are opened, the more you can see....you can see the messes and begin to learn how to clean them up. Such is life - if we pursue God and seek after truth, it will be given to us, and we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free!

"God wants us in the process of our freedom to know Him, to get to know our healer more than we know our healing.” –Beth Moore