Puns!

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted

A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence

What's the definition of a will? Come on, it's a dead giveaway.

The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little w(h)ine.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

If you eat pasta, then anti-pasto, did you really eat anything at all?

Those are funny!