What its like

I wrote this just as the start of a journal I did a little while ago, but thought it was something important for people to understand. The cycle and what causes it, or at least for me.

[irrelevent stuff]... I have quite a small 'emotional vocabulary'. No one here let me have emotions, let alone learn to discribe or express them. Self harm became the emotion, solution and problem. And self harm as an emotion can discribe so many emotions; it can discribe intence, non-overcome-able pain, it can discribe numbness, it can discribe self hatred and punnishment, it can also discribe anger. It's kinda like who people cry for all different reasons. I can't cry, so I cut... [then more irrelivent stuff]