My View of Me....

So basically I weigh WAY more than I should or would like to.....I'm not happy with myself, this is the most I've ever weighed and I honestly think it's real effecting my health. I don't know what to do and I sure don't know what works, I've tried everything! I have an eating disorder (self diagnosed) and it bounces from starving to bingeing and I just don't know what to do! How am I supposed to loose the 130 pounds that I need to loose. I hate being fat, I've been teased and made fun of all my life an lately I've been my worst critic I honestly look like I'm pregnant and not just the beginning of pregnancy I look like I could pop an since there is no real baby in me I am fat. I want to cry, I just can't stand being this big anymore :'( I started trying to lose weight like 90 pounds ago! I'm sick of the looks, the comments, everything! Why can't I just loose this dumb weight and be happy with myself, I won't truly be happy with how I look until I loose this weight ughhhh!

Hun I know where you are coming from. I to am having a hard time with my weight.Im trying to find a happy/healthy middle point but its not working out to well. Be careful hun. <3

I am starting to find that i can relate although I'd never tell either of my counselors about the pressure my mom has been putting on me lately. See i weigh only 104Ibs yea i know that's not a lot but the thing is I can see that my stomach sticks out, and my mom says my a** is always getting in the way. I'm like mom!!!!!! and she's like What I'm kidding. I'm just like no i don't have a fat a**, oh you know i love u. I don't consider myself fat. Not in the least nor would I ever starve myself. I'm already trying to be a perfectionist in one way I don't need to start in a new way. Every other time i go to the doctors i ask if I can jump on the scale and every time i see the number go up. I am just so happy. I'm in between loving my body and hating it. Why I love it is because when I was in Grade school especially I think all the other girls were jealous of me because I was so skinny. One day a girl asked me how are you so skinny I said idk. I really didn't know how I was able to stay at 80Ibs when I ate just about anything and I have a sweet tooth. I know I was born premature and that's kinda what makes me skinny. Why I hate being at this weight is because my mother thinks I'm fat. I asked her do you think I am fat, NO of course not but then when ever I'm sitting on the couch oh look at that stomach going up and down because I sometimes breath heavy especially after I eat. Should I confront my mom the next time she says something or should i speak to one of my counselors. I have one female and one male counselor. I also work out at the gym for almost an hour every week. I don't do it because of my weight I do it to build my strength and to help my back and legs. I use the bike and stairstepper and leg presser. I was going to make my own post about this but this thread here saved me the trouble.What should I do. sorry for the long post.

Are you walking with anyone on this journey....as in accountability? It kinda sounds like you would benefit from that.

I know a lot of people have gotten a lot out of the book "The Maker's Diet".

Here's a blog about one girl's journey:

http://alittleblogiwrote.blogspot.com/search/label/The%20Maker%27s%20Diet