"That's So Gay"...

Hi girls

I've just done an interview at my youth group about homosexuality and the Bible, and my struggle with such things and thought it could be quite useful here - it's a massive issue in a lot of communities and gay and Christian groups often get a bad press with each other because of the conflict. Information about the truth of the matter does a lot to dispel that tension.

Sooo... Let's start with the truth. The Bible says that in the beginning God created Adam. Adam was alone, and this was the only thing that was 'not good' in God's perfect creation. So God created Eve, the perfect companion for Adam, and 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.' (Genesis 2:24) So from the beginning sexual relationships were made for one man and one woman within the covenant of marriage - and no other context. Jesus upholds this creation principle in His teachings on marriage and divorce, despite the concessions previously given by Moses to a hard-hearted generation. In Ephesians 5:22-32 Paul talks about marriage being an image of the relationship between Christ and the Church - this means it should be revered as even more holy. These are the principles on which my conviction that God's plan for His people does not involve gay relationships is based. There are other places in the Bible - Romans 1; Sodom and Gomorrah and many others where homosexuality is mentioned and condemned as a sin but this is often not the main point of the passage. There is also controversy among different Christian groups over the exact translation and interpretation of these passages. However the creation principle of heterosexual marriage being the only way in which sexual intimacy is to be enjoyed is so fundamental and made clear throughout the Bible that it cannot be denied.

That is not, however, to say that homosexual people are any worse sinners than anyone else - Christian or not. Everybody has a sinful nature; everyone has a particular sin they struggle with. Giving in to homosexual urges and tendencies is one of a multitude of equal sins - from disobeying your parents to gossip to adultery to murder - all are equal before God. So homophobic behaviour within the Church is frankly inexcusable. We need to be seeking to save the lost, not bash the gays. Gay people need Jesus not because they are gay, but because they are humans in a fallen world and sinful because of it.

Now time to get a little more personal. For those of you who don't know, I'm female, attracted to girls and often feel a lot like a guy trapped in a girl's body. If you wanted a label I'd go with lesbian / genderqueer, but who needs labels? The point is that the broken sinfulness of the world and of myself has resulted in my feeling this way. When I started this years placement with my church, I was happily in a loving relationship with another girl. That had to end, because I had to be beyond reproach as a church leader. During my Bible study sessions with my mentor, the issue of homosexuality is one we've been exploring further, culmination in this interview I did.

So, the final thing - what can YOU do to help? How can you support Christians struggling with homosexuality? How on earth can you witness to gay friends who have seen the total lack of respect some churches have for gay people? The key is sensitivity. Gay people come out expecting to be insulted and ridiculed. That persecution, not unlike that Jesus forewarned His disciples of, has brought a huge sense of solidarity within the gay community and a sense that gay people WILL NOT BE MOVED. And, I'm inclined to say, good for them. Except when it comes to Jesus. The most important thing you need to communicate when witnessing to gay people is that Jesus loves us unconditionally, we need Him regardless of sexual orientation and He is far from homophobic. Don't condemn their sexuality. 'You're a filthy homosexual sinner, come to Jesus and be made clean' will go down like a lead balloon. Focus on the core principles of salvation - Jesus' completely free gift of grace and desperately we need it. The issue of homosexuality will come up in its own time and then you need to be prepared to point out the truth lovingly and sensitively.

The same key word goes for helping and supporting gay christians. Because of the call to celibacy involved in homosexuality, loneliness is (for me at least) the key issue. Speaking for myself, I often don't want a long and detailed discussion about 'does God really say you can't have a girlfriend' (though i'm always willing to answer). More usually, just some loving and accepting company, and completely sexuality-free conversation would be nice. I think loneliness has always been a big one for me because, like some other gay women, I don't really understand how to interact socially. There are precious few friends I feel safe around simply because of paranoia. Not one of these is a guy. So a lot of gay people need the same sensitivity that someone who is emotionally broken needs - as often, homosexuality is just another expression of emotional brokenness. I think the most crushing thing for me is when people give the impression that being in a relationship makes them complete. Because, for a start, it doesn't - Jesus does. And it makes that aching loneliness just that bit more bitter, knowing that I can never have that sweetness. Although, Paul does have some very interesting and encouraging things to say about singleness in 1 Corinthians 7, which I fully encourage all you single (and taken!) girls to read

Sorry this has ended up being a bit (a lot) of an essay! - I hope bits of it are vaguely useful. A great book to read is 'Walking with gay friends' by Alex Tylee - a British publication (Go us Brits!) which says basically what I have but a lot better and in a lot more detail.

God Bless you all.

Phantom~

Wow you could write a book! That was awesome!

For a long time I was really bitter toward the gay community. A life long friend of mine who grew up in the church with me and was like, head over heels for any guy who crossed her path, came home from boot camp (she's in the U.S. Army) and had determined she was into girls. It was a hard hit, honestly. She was my first close friend that I had who was gay. But over time, God has softened my heart, because I saw how lonely and hurt and confused she was. All of our group of friends, including myself, pretty much shunned her. But then I realized, what right do I have to do that? I was deep enough in my own sin, that I had no right to treat her the way I was. So I learned to be more accepting of those struggling with homosexuality because, like you said, it is a result of a fallen and sinful world. But I was, and still am, very firm in my belief that living a homosexual lifestyle is against God's will. However, I knew that they way I was living was against His will too. Paul says in II Corinthians 6:19-20: " Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." I, like my friend, was not treating my body as the temple it is supposed to be.

I don't really know where I was going with that..lol. But the issue you raised is a very important one. The church does a great job of telling homosexuals that they are horrible, dirty people. I absolutely HATE that, with every fiber of my being. What makes homosexuality any worse than someone who is an alcoholic or does drugs or cuts themselves? I mean, really?? They are sinners too. We all are. And if God has called us as Christians to live a lifestyle that imitates Christ, then we cannot treat homosexuals like they are from another planet. Its so wrong. God loves everyone equally, and will judge our sins equally. Not one sin is greater than the other. When Jesus called Matthew the tax collector to be His disciple, Matthew threw a party. And Jesus went. It's not like the "best of the best" were there. No. There were cheaters, drunkards, and tax collectors at this party. We are called to be in community and share the love of our Savior with everyone, no matter their sexual orientation.

However, and I don't want to step on any toes here, one needs to be firm in their beliefs before acquiring friendships with those who profess to be gay. It is such a big thing in our society now that if someone is teetering on the edge in their faith, they can be sucked in to believing that lifestyle is okay. And it's not. Quite honestly, if you had brought up alcoholism or drug addictions or anything else, I would say the same thing. Living in blatant sin, especially when they know what the Bible says about sin, is very dishonoring to God. I've done it, so I'm talking to myself here too.

I really don't want to offend anyone, but I have a lot of gay friends who also profess to be Christians, and have no intent of getting out of that lifestyle. I struggled with cutting and taking pills for a long time. Until recently, actually. But I knew that the way I was living was wrong and that I needed to change. What I don't understand is how someone who is a Christian can live a homosexual (or alcoholic, etc.) lifestyle with no intent on changing. I mean, it's right there in black and white, that homosexuality is dishonoring to God. I haven't been able to wrap my head around it. I know from having gay friends that they don't think they can find love or acceptance with someone of the opposite sex and that's why they've chosen that lifestyle. And some of my gay friends are Christians, and they know that they can find love and acceptance in God and then learn to find that in a heterosexual relationship. It has just never made sense to me. I know that from living in my own sin for as long as I did that it made a huge, negative impact on my relationship with God. And I knew that I had to surrender those things to Him in order to move forward in my walk with Him. But yeah, I've just never understood that. I mean, one has to feel conviction if they are truly walking with God and living a life of blatant sin. I know I did.

I love all of my friends dearly, no matter what lifestyle they've chosen. In fact, my gay friends may be some of the most fun people to hang out with. But it breaks my heart to see the way they live, especially those who know the Word. I hope I was in no way offensive. I read and re-read each paragraph. I would never, ever in any way want to offend anyone...I promise. But this is a topic that is close to my heart and I guess you could say I'm narrow-minded about it. I know what the Bible says, and I'm going to strive to live by that in every area of my life. I know I'm not perfect, I'm far from it. I screw up all the time and I have to constantly pick myself up and start over again. So I don't want any of what I said to be taken as me being rude or hurtful.

I'm really glad you posted this. It's such an important issue and something that I believe each of the girls on here can relate to in some way. God Bless!!

~Jenna

I have some really good friends that are gay. They know how I feel about it, but it's not a reason for me not to hangout with them. I've always felt that a) Remove the pillar from your own eye before asking to remove the splinter from somebody else's and b) God loves the sinner, but hates the sinner and we're called to be like Him. I figure that sexuality is no reason to shun someone else and sadly, a lot of people do and it's not right. I think you started a good topic. This is something that really needs to be discussed more.

hey im glad you brought this up and i find it so cool that you actualy talked about this in church. its amezing how open you are about your own like and how you live for God. its just, well it really makes me look up to you (in a good, not idolising way.. haha) so yea, just letting you know how cool you are for writing this!

i kind of understand gay people that are christian and still having a gay-relationship i thing because sometimes i just cant imagen a loving God to forbit any kind of love. you know what im saying?

and im not gay but i do know some people who are and think there should be more respect for these people cuz, i realy think everyone is (in nature) the same.. God gave everyone life..

oh and well, in some way i think its harder to be gay and not have a relationship than t be an alcoholist and not have alcohol. because you can replace alcohol in some kind of way..
and one more thing..: what if i have a 'christian' relationship with a guy and my best friend cant have a relationship because shes gay? thats just not fair (in my eyes)..
oh and how do yall think about praying for gaypeople to become straight? because i know someone who used to be gay but is married now. he became straight after someone prayed for him to heal.. i mean thats good, right?

I like the fact that you are processing all your thoughts through God's Word and through prayer. My professor always ends our class with 'Love Yourself first and then Love Others'...just an important truth when we are all striving to transform into the likeness of Christ.

Wow, thanks for all your responses!

Jenna - There are many reasons why Christians continue with gay relationships. Some people genuinely believe that the two are compatible and that all human sexuality is a gift from God and its expression is blessed by him. The fundamental place where their view and mine differs is seeing homosexuality as a natural part of good, God-given human sexuality instead of (and it still pains me to a little say it) that God-given sexuality twisted by a broken world. This article [http://www.lgcm.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/LGCM-homosexualitychristianity.pdf.pdf] explains more about their viewpoint - But, I must stress, is NOT CORRECT IN THE WAY IT INTERPRETS GOD'S WORD. For this reason I suspect Steph and Dawn might take it down - I'll leave it to their judgement.
Some Christians who have understood the Word perfectly well on the issue yet continue in sin simply haven't been convicted yet. It's like sort of knowing in your head that it's wrong, but not really feeling or acknowledging a need to do anything about it. Only once God opens the heart to His word will someone be motivated to take practical steps to get out of sin. On an aside I'd encourage you to look out for other sins in your own lives in that same category - there's more than you might think! - and pray that God will open your eyes and heart to what needs to be done.

Still others are on that journey from conviction to action, trying desperately to make sense of two very strong and directly conflicting callings - the 'natural' and comfortable and often 'good' and 'right' feeling of being in relationship with the same sex, and the conviction of the Holy Spirit telling them that's not what God wants for them. In the two relationships I've had, I saw elements of Christ's righteous love in my feelings for my partner - far from sordid and sexual it felt servant-hearted and giving. (Yet there was a definite romantic element to it as well, almost idolatrous, and that is why it had to stop.) But I did question many, many times if this could really be wrong when it felt so right, and baulking at the pain of breaking up I would have to face as I followed God's will. I'd say many Christians in gay relationships are in that situation, and so need all the loving support they can get while the process of conviction works itself out.

Lina - Glad you're up for respect! I totally agree there. I agree it's hard to understand a God of Love forbidding some expressions of a kind of love. But the love God gave originally to man and woman within marriage is so much greater than any other outworking of sexual love that He simply doesn't want His people settling for second best.

I'm afraid the bottom line is, it's not fair that some people cannot know romantic / sexual intimacy. Then again the entire world is not fair, because it's been broken and messed up by sin. But we can know that God will repay us thousandfold the injustices we put up with in this life when we get to the New Creation.
Actually the Bible does say in 1 Corinthians 7 that some people are called by God to singleness - homosexuality, I believe, being one of the ways He does this - in order to be able to serve Him more fully. Matthew 19:10-12 also talks about 'eunuchs' - which I understand translates into today's culture as single people - and how it has been given to some to marry, and to some to stay single. We also have to remember that Jesus lived a full life and He never had a girlfriend or wife (or boyfriend either come to that)!

Aand another essay has developed... sorry...

Wow girl! Thanks so much for being willing to share. You are very courageous and I'm so proud of you. Your post was very powerful and made us think! What a great discussion! Like Dawn, I'm proud of you for filtering all your comments through God's Word! Great post and great "food for thought"!

hey girl!

you gave the perfect respons!!
especialy the part about Jesus living a full life without a wife/girlfriend/boyfriend.

thanks i never tought about it that way..

God bless ya