Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be four years since my papa passed away. I used to pray so hard that he could be my dad instead of my biological father, and now that I'm living in his house, he's not here. My Nanna never cleaned his stuff up. It's all how he left it when he went into the hospital. I've been getting ready for school in his bathroom and his shampoo and body soap is still in the shower. It smells just like he used to. I miss him so much. On top of everything else going on, this is making things harder. I want to dress him up like a girl, complete with a puppy and baby doll, like I did when I was little. I want to hear him laugh, and hug him one last time. I want to hear him yelling for me after I preform. I want to see his head sticking up above the crowd as he came to tell me good job. I want to see his smile again. I miss him so much! He was the closest thing to a real father I've ever had. I almost broke down in the hallway at school today. I never cry unless I'm at home, in my room, alone.

I'm sorry for your loss hun. Those are marvelous memories that you have though. Focus on them and cherish them. Can you journal about them? Can you write a poem in memory of him? I did this with my brother and when I miss him alot I read the poem and look through the scrapbook I made after his death.

I understand how hard it is to lose a grandpa, mine died in my arms July 19, 2010. Cherish those memories that you have with your Papa, that's what keeps his spirit alive!! It's okay to be sad, it's okay to cry and grieve, but don't let it overwhelm you. Your Papa would want you to be happy and enjoy life, even if it's hard at time. Message me if you need to, dear.