****Trigger****

I'm not sure how much longer I can go on living like I am now. I don't feel as if God cares. I live with my youth group leader's fam now and I'v been in and out of the psych ward waaaay to many times. I just don't know how much longer I can do this.

Hun Ill be praying for you. Its the days that we feel we can not fight anymore that we need to get on our face give God the control to fight the war for us. Can you talk to your youth leader about whats goin on?

I'm not sure if I could talk with my youth leader. I've basically locked up my heart, and mind. I couldn't pray or ask God, as He has been pushed out of my life, as my first suicidal episode started with Him, and some other crazily weird things. I also forgot to mention the first time that I actually am failing school. I'm normally a straight A+ student, and I have all F's now. I had an A-, a B-, a D-, and four F's last semester, and right now I have all F's. I have been in trouble for that as well. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Can you try to write them a note ?

I'm not sure if I could. I can try tonight, but I'm not sure if I can.

I tried, but just couldn't. I asked to talk to them privately, and I couldn't show them. I am just not sure what to do anymore. I left it on the counter, then went to bed. They were already gone when I got up for school. We're going on some retreat for them this weekend. I'll have my computer though, as I have to have a counseling session, and it will be via skype. I'll check on this site/forum though.

I dont know what to do anymore. I'm bawling my eyes out while I write this. my only bio-relative that understood me has less than a week to live, and I wont even be able to go to her funeral. I just don't know what to do, and I don't feel like I even have the option of God period. He has not been in my life, and it doesn't seem as if He cares what goes on at all. The way I see it, this is all His fault. What do I do?

Hun Im sorry things are so hard right now, try to believe me things will get better and when you hit a rock God is there you just have to ask

OK, and I would agree to that, except for the fact that I don't know why He would listen if I asked since He really doesn't seem to care about me at all.

He does care hun! and ive totally been where you are i dont really know what to say to you help you...but idk just pray and seek god hun! im praying for you!

Hey girl,
He does care. I'm sorry that things have been so rough for you and that you are struggling so much. I think a big mistake you have made is that you have pushed God away BUT that doesn't mean all is lost and hopeless. God loves you (whether or not we trust He does or not). He wants you to return to Him and run into His arms. Yes bad things happen in this world and life is hard, but I'd much rather go through this hard life with God than to reject Him and walk through this life on my own. I'm proud of you for being able to open up on this forum. I don't know your life situation or why you are living with your youth leader but that tells me that he/she does care about you. You can always post here and my email is always open as well (restoredbyloveministries@gmail.com). We are here for you hun.