Liberation

Hey there

This was going to be in the 'Share your story' bit, but I felt it more belonged here. Recently, after years of believing I was an awful, unemotional, evil person - I found out I am not. I have been damaged by the actions of a similarly damaged man, and it's left me unable to stand 'weak' emotions such as sadness or compassion. That doesn't excuse all that I've done - far from it. But it means there is hope. It means I am embarking on an attempt to open up past the aggressive defences and be able to freely show God's love. And with the help of God, I can do this.

Another thing - I went on camp for the first time over the Summer, and in a conversation with my dorm leader discovered that it's ok to be angry at some things. When I see wrong being done against God - when I see my brother being emotionally abused - I don't have to swallow my anger. After all Jesus Himself turned over the tables in the temple when God's house was being desecrated. Instead, I can be assured that God will pay my father back thousandfold for his actions - and in that moment, that is a comfort to me.

I never thought I'd be this good. Sure, the urges haven't gone away completely, I'm still angry, sometimes still think about suicide. But I'm so much better than I was. Praise God!

That is wonderful! Praise God indeed!