Top 10 Guidelines for Authetic Communication

1. Use I/my statements: 'own' or be responsible for what you are saying.

Authentic Communications is ME telling YOU about ME.

2. To communicate effectively, speak personally and specifically rather than generally and abstractly.

3. No mind reading.

A 'You' statement is a way of analyzing or second guessing, and this also can cause misunderstandings or defensiveness. Allow others to be responsible for themselves.

4. Listen to your inner voice. Become aware of when you are moved to speak and when you are not moved to speak.

5. Listen carefully and with respect to what another person is telling you.

Do not formulate your response while someone is speaking, but wait until the other has finished.

6. Be comfortable with silence in communication.

Meditation on what was just said and checking your motivations for what you are about to say may take a few moments. This is a kind of honoring of both the speaker and yourself.

7. Respect differences.

People can have other ideas, thoughts and feelings. Don't try to convert them to your way. Celebrate the diversity.

8. Be aware of your own barriers.

Prejudices, expectations, ideologies, judgments or a need to control are obstacles to authentic communications.

9. Look and listen for the heart of a person behind his/her words. Concentrate on finding the strengths and gifts.

10. Be able to laugh at yourself and with others.

11. Do not react to what you're "guessing" a person "might have been" "insinuating", even though they might not have said exactly that. If you aren't sure if a person might have meant to say X when they were saying Y, then *ASK*. Better to clarify things, as opposed to reacting to something that YOU added to their words, when they honest-to-god might not have been thinking that at all.

12. Be mindful of physiological changes and tension in your own body. Physiological stress often causes us to seek release-- often from using overly harsh words, making assumptions, getting angry (unjustifiably) at another person for making you feel stress, etc. This is almost never conducive to promoting true understanding of each other's intentions.

13. Keep in mind that the point in having a conversation is NOT to "be right", to "win", to "defend yourself", etc. The goal is to get BOTH sides to work towards a point of greater understanding, acceptance, and middle ground, and to find at least some place of agreement (even if the agreement is that you disagree).

(Original post by Dawn)

I love #13 - it's something I need to remember on a daily basis!