Guilt *trigger. Mentions sex*

Hi, I'm April. I'm a quite a new Christian, and my family is not religious at all, I'm the only one.

Recently I had my first boyfriend (I'm 19 years old), and things went way too far for my comfort.
He was pressuring me, but at the same time was trying to be considerate about it which really confused me. I wanted to make him happy, but I didn't want to have sex with him, because I'm against sex before marriage. We got into a situation one night (He gave me oral sex and I hated it) and I felt like I crossed a boundary of my own, and alarm bells went off in my head basically saying "you're going to regret this if you keep going". I stopped him from doing anything else, and later that night he broke up with me over text message. That night I felt dirty, I had to wash everywhere and I cried all night.

I feel really guilty now. I wish I had never gotten into that situation, I feel like I've lost all my innocence. Everytime I think about that situation I feel sick to my stomach. I'm definitely going to make myself extremely clear next time (if there is a next time) I have a boyfriend that I don't believe in sex before marriage. I can't even look at him now, and I see him once a week in college. I feel like such a bad person.

I'm afraid that I'll go to Hell for this. I've asked God for forgiveness, but I don't feel good enough anymore. Its a big problem for me at the moment, this guilt. My old self harm issues are revolving around me (I used to self harm for 4 years, free since almost 4 years ago), and I've gotten a lot moodier. I just wish I could forgive myself for this, but more than that, I want to be right with God again. I haven't felt so alone in such a long time.

Will God forgive me for this? Or will I be tainted for the rest of my life? How can I forgive myself for such a bad decision? Or shouldn't I even try to forgive myself?

Thanks for reading,
April.

Ask yourself this:
Does guilt come from God? Does God ever put guilt on us? The answer to that is a clear and resounding NO. God NEVER uses guilt to speak to us. Guilt is strictly from satan. Another word for guilt is condemnation. And the bible clearly says "Therefore there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ." God uses something totally different: Conviction. Conviction is that little feeling inside of us that tells us something we did was wrong, but God never condemns us for something we did. Conviction is a loving form of correction from our Heavenly Father. So if you are feeling guilt, know this: it is UNDUE guilt. It is from satan, and he can use that to bring you down MANY times. Guilt is easy to take on. Sometimes it's so overpowering, it feels like there's nothing we can do to shake it off. But that's not true either. Verbally speak out these words: "Lord, your word says that there is no condemnation for those who are in You. And God, right now i'm feeling undue guilt. I know you don't work through condemnation, but you love us and guide us through conviction. I pray right now that
these feelings of guilt would be lifted." Then, sometimes you have to speak directly to satan. Tell him "satan,
God's word gives ME authority over YOU, and right now, i command you in the name of Jesus to take the lies and the guilt, and leave my presence and my mind. You have no place in my mind, Jesus is my Lord and my Kind, and He dwells in me. So i command you to leave in the name of Jesus." And satan HAS to listen. He HAS to. That's the kind of authority we have!!

Totally agree with Dawn on this...plus...anytime we step out of God's best for us and the boundaries he has set for us for life, we are pretty much asking for the consequences of that sin to fall on our lives. Is what you did wrong? I'd have to say based on scripture, yes. Is it above God's grace? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! It's not as important for you to forgive yourself as it is for you to claim the cross of Christ and the forgiveness that brings over your life. That is the forgiveness you need to hold onto.